Chapter Text
HELLUVA_SUS: Hello, and welcome to part 2 of the Ultimate 100th Chapter Anniversary Special! Last chapter was when the main characters of Helluva Boss all worked together to stop Stella and her goons from raping Stolas. And for this one, we're going to be getting all the characters from the last 99 chapters to duke it out in a battle royale to see who can get the victory royale! Granted there are some limitations. Any abnormal identities like the Backrooms or Groundhog Day are disqualified since they can't physically move or shoot guns. Also, I'm having Neyane sit this one out because having them go against all of these characters sound silly. Otherwise, whoever wins will get to do whatever they want with Stolas!
[Camera shows Stolas locked in a cage.]
STOLAS: I did not want to be locked in a gilded cage!
HELLUVA_SUS: Too bad! Now let's see how everyone's doing.
[Cut to the Battle Bus, where all the characters are sitting and awaiting to jump off.]
BLITZO: Alright, gang, let's form a pack so we can team up to kill everyone!
MOXXIE: Sir, we're supposed to fight each other, not team up.
ANDREW DITCH: I better not have any of you abuse me!
DIDDY: No one cares, bruh! I just wanna show you all who the meat master is!
ERIC CARTMAN: Aw yeah, I'm about to kick some ass!
BUS DRIVER: Alright, everyone, on the count of three, you all jump off and have fun! 1... 2... 3!
[Everyone jumps off the bus.]
HELLUVA_SUS: Alright, the heat is on! I'm going to be doing a commentary on what happens. And right away it looks as though the Helluva Boss and Hazbin Hotel characters are forming an alliance.
CHARLIE: Alright, everyone, the first thing we need to do is kill off the Helluva Boss characters.
HUSK: How about we just chill and drink our ass off instead?
ANGEL DUST: f*ck no! And I'm not working with Val!
VALENTINO: You better do what I f*cking say, Angie!
[Suddenly, an explosion hits the team, killing Valentino, Nifty, and Vaggie.]
CHARLIE: VAGGIE, NO! WHO DID THAT?!
BLITZO:THAT WOULD BE US, BITCH!
CRIMSON: Not my fault you all would rather argue than f*cking fight!
VELVETTE: Oh no! You are not going to kill Val and think you can get away with it!
HELLUVA_SUS: Okay, um, let's see what everyone else is doing while these two argue.
[Cut to Dreamybull and SammyClassicSonicFan fighting off the Stolas clones.]
PILOT STOLAS: DIE! YOU'RE NOT BLITZY!
YOUNG STOLAS: YEAH! AND HOW DARE YOU RIP UP MY BOOKS! FATHER GAVE ME THOSE!
SAMMYCLASSICSONICFAN: WE DON'T FRICKIN' CARE! DREAMY, GO CUM ALL OVER THOSE FRICKS!
DREAMYBULL: AMBATUKAM!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
[Dreamybull c*ms all over the Stolas clones, drowning them.]
HELLUVA_SUS: DAMN! Dreamybull sure came a lot!
SAMMYCLASSICSONICFAN: Alright, Dreamy, we're going to find the lolcows and kill them off too!
HELLUVA_SUS: Speaking of lolcows, let's see how they're doing...
[Cut to the lolcows, where Andrew Ditch is throwing a tantrum.]
ANDREW DITCH: I DON'T WANNA BE ABUSED ANYMORE!!! ANDY JUST WANTS TO GO HOME!!!
DANIEL LARSON: Andrew, knock it off! We're not going to get any kills if you keep banging your head and crying like a weirdo!
ANDREW DITCH: BUT BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD TOOK MY TEDDY BEAR AND RIPPED IT!!! AND THEY TRIED TO SMASH MY TABLET, AND THEY WOULD'VE SUCCEEDED HAD CHRIS-CHAN NOT SNIPED THEM!!!
CHRIS-CHAN: Andrew, you gotta move on! You're a grown ass man, and you're too old to be obsessing over children's stuff!
DANIEL LARSON: Look who's talking!
[Suddenly, Dhar Mann appears.]
DHAR MANN: Hey, Dhar Mann fans! Do you want to learn a life lesson?
ANDREW DITCH: GET ME A NEW TEDDY BEAR OR ELSE WE WILL KILL YOU, ABUSER!!!
DHAR MANN: Woah, woah! Andrew that is no way to talk. Please apologize so we can-
[Chris-chan shoots Dhar Mann, killing him.]
CHRIS-CHAN: Alright, come on! We gotta move on!
HELLUVA_SUS: Alright, right off the bat, 40 people have already died, most of which came from the Helluva Boss and Hazbin Hotel fight, which I sadly missed because of the lolcow antics. Let's see who's still alive.
BLITZO: NO!!! I LOST MY EMPLOYESS AND LOONY!!! AND NOW ME, STRIKER, AND LARAKEIN'S STELLA ARE THE ONLY ONES REMAINING!!!
STRIKER: I can't believe Emily OPed everyone!
LARAKEIN'S STELLA: And how anticlimatic it was for Andrealphus to freeze the others to death!
BLITZO: IT DOESN'T MATTER!!! LET'S KILL MORE f*ckERS!!!
HELLUVA_SUS: Alright, I got word that some people don't want to die. Let's see who are the lame-os.
[Cut to Baby Octavia, Adrian, the Four Horsem*n, and Clarissa hiding.]
ADRIAN: I hate this... I want to go home...
BABY OCTAVIA: I want my daddy...
CLARISSA: I know, kids. Perhaps we should order at Applebee's.
DYLAN: There's no Applebee's here!
CLARISSA: I can order it to-go!
[Suddenly, Kenny Vu appears.]
KENNY VU: There you jerks are! You ready to die?
ADRIAN: NO! PLEASE! MOMMY, HELP!!!
HENLEY: Come on, man, you won't kill some kids, will you?
[Kenny Vu shrugs before shooting and killing everyone.]
KENNY VU: Cầm lấy! Ông nội sẽ rất tự hào về tôi!
UOLLIAC: Burgers like to kiss me and I go to Denmark to poop on Eric and I'm the Uolliac I'm the Uolliac I'm the Uolliac I'm the Uolliac I'm the Uolliac I'm the Uolliac WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
KENNY VU:Oh f*ck off, Uolliac!
[Kenny Vu shoots the Uolliac to death.]
HELLUVA_SUS: Damn, Ken's packing! Oh jeez, we're down to 20 people already? That was fast. It looks like Jotaro Kujo is fighting the Bryan Mills from Taken. Let's see who's winning.
[Bryan shoots Jotaro.]
JOTARO KUJO: f*ck!
BRYAN MILLS: Give it up! I told you I have a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.
JOTARO KUJO: ALRIGHT, PLAYTIME'S OVER, OLD MAN! DAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMU!!!
[Jotaro punches Bryan to death.]
JOTARO KUJO: Alright, now who's next in my wrath?!
BRANDON ROGERS: Oh Jotaro! Come kiss this ass!
[Brandon teases Jotaro by shaking his ass.]
JOTARO KUJO: COME HERE, BRANDON! YOUR VIDEOS ARE SO ANNOYING!
[Jotaro chases Brandon, but he's too fast. Brandon tricks Jotaro into falling in a pit, killing him on impact.]
BRANDON ROGERS: Whoops! Looks like you should learn to watch where you're chasing!
HELLUVA_SUS: Damn, Brandon! And it looks like I got word that Andrew Ditch is having trouble with some others. Let's see what's up.
[Cut to Andrew Ditch throwing a tantrum while Spongebob and Horrid Henry mock him.]
ANDREW DITCH: WHY WOULD YOU ABUSE ME AND DESTROY MY TABLET?!?! NOW ANDY WILL NEVER RELAX!!!
SPONGEBOB: That's what you get for faking your autism and being annoying and manipulative!
HORRID HENRY: Yeah, and you're more horrid than I am, and I had to kill my parents because they tried to kill me!
ANDREW DITCH: ANDY DOESN'T WANT TO BE ABUSED ANYMORE BY YOU c*ntS!!!
SPONGEBOB: You always say you don't want to be abused, but you're the one being abusive, because you killed your other lolcow friends because they didn't want to go to the store to buy you another teddy bear and a Paw Patrol DVD!
[Suddenly, Spongebob and Horrid Henry are sniped, killing them.]
ANDREW DITCH: OW!!! OW!!! ANDY HAS BLOOD ALL OVER HIM!!!
BLITZO: ALRIGHT, TIME TO DIE, YOU fat*ssHOLE!!!
[Blitzo kills Andrew Ditch. At this time, Brandon Rogers shows up.]
HELLUVA_SUS: Oh sh*t! Here comes that Brandon Rogers and Blitzo fight you've all been waiting-
[Blitzo kills Brandon Rogers with a decapitation.]
HELLUVA_SUS: -for...
BLITZO: f*ck YEAH!!! WHO WANTS MORE OF BLITZY?!?!
HELLUVA_SUS: Actually, we're already down to two more people: Blitzo and LaraKein's Stella. Whoever's still standing wins.
BLITZO: Oh you gotta be f*cking kidding me! I gotta fight the nice Stella?
[Blitzo roams around the map, carefully looking for LaraKein's Stella.]
BLITZO: Look, Stella, I don't want to kill you, alright? Just forfeit now, and I can go home happy with Stolas.
[A shot dodges Blitzo.]
BLITZO: OH COME ON!!!
LARAKEIN'S STELLA: STOLAS IS MINE!!! I HAD TO KILL A VIETNAMESE NAZI LARPER, A PURPLE DINOSAUR, A GOAT DOCTOR WITH A BIG ASS VACCINE, AND EVEN SOME OLD MAN AND HIS DIAPERED WIMPY BOYS JUST TO GET HERE!!! DON'T YOU f*ckING DARE BLOW THIS FOR ME!!!
BLITZO: Well then it's on, bitch!
[Blitzo charges at LaraKein's Stella and tackles her down. Both proceed to wrestle and punch each other.]
HELLUVA_SUS: God damn! They're going full-on melee! This sh*t's getting personal!
[Soon, Blitzo gets the upper hand and proceeds to assault her greatly.]
BLITZO: ANY LAST WORDS, BITCH?!?!
LARAKEIN'S STELLA: You... you should've... you should've gone for the head...
[LaraKein's Stella then pulls out a knife and slits Blitzo's throat, killing him.]
HELLUVA_SUS: HOLY HELL!!! LARAKEIN'S STELLA JUST KILLED BLITZO!!! THIS MAKES HER THE WINNER AND VICTORY ROYALE!!!
LARAKEIN'S STELLA: f*ck YEAH!!! I WON!!!
[A portal is summoned, bringing LaraKein's Stella to Stolas.]
HELLUVA_SUS: Alright, LaraKein's Stella, since you won, you get to do whatever you want with Stolas.
STOLAS: Oh please don't be an abusive bitch like my other wife...
LARAKEIN'S STELLA: Don't worry, Stolas. I'm the nice version, and I won't hurt you anymore. Now how about we have an entire day to ourselves?
STOLAS: Sure, I guess...
HELLUVA_SUS: And that concludes this short, but epic battle royale. Stay tuned for the next chapter, where more characters will come in to stop the torture sessions. And who knows? If I get to 200 chapters, then perhaps they can duke it out as well?
WORKER: f*ck NO!!!
HELLUVA_SUS: Whatever!
